Date entered: 1997/06/24 09:43
NARRATIVE: Inside, he was like the first draft of the Frankenstein's monster. He
didn't even make a good crazy quilt, he was a junk pile, visualization
shifting like a runway slide show without a sequence to follow. He couldn't
hang on to an idea longer than a few seconds, except for one: meeting Rowan
in a crib. But he didn't know who was supposed to meet her-- him as the
whore, him as Dionysius, him as Sovay as Dionysius, Sovay as him, Sovay as
him as Dionysius-- he'd even lost all track of whether he or Sovay had been
Dionysius. It was the type of confusion that spiraled inward. Follow it,
and you's chase your own tail until you imploded into a fugue state, and
when you came out of it, you'd be back in the same place, ready to start
over. Black hole set on permanent rewind and replay. Junkie is now known
as fool.
Anything else you want to know about teh nature of hell?
The question fluttered past me on a tattered rag caught in a minor
whirlwind. The landscape that faded in was my own involuntary
visualization. That would happen if nobody set the scene; sooner or later,
you'd see something unless you forced yourself not to. This something was
something like the surface of the moon transplanted to the badlands, the
morning after a mental costume orgy. Most of the debris littering the
ground didn't know what it had been before it had become debris. Junkie is
now known as fool.
DIALOGUE [fool]: he was a junk pile,
shifting like a runway slide show--
without a sequence to follow--
except for one
him as the whore,
him as Dionysius,
him as Sovay as Dionysius,
Sovay as him,
Sovay as him as Dionysius
ready to start over.
Anything else you want to know about teh nature of hell?
That would happen if nobody set the scene;
sooner or later,
you'd see something unless you forced yourself not to.
the morning after a mental costume orgy.
Date entered: 1997/06/24 09:46
NARRATIVE: fool is now known as junkie.
Then I'm off on a fast hope trip.
Memory junkie, yah, maybe I've been feeding the beast after all
and this is somebody else's memory. Two seconds later, the trip's over.
This can't be something I got from someone else because
I didn't get a rise out of it. The memories I get junked up on
are someone else's, no matter how dull they are. Someone else's vacation
at the shore, someone else's wedding, someone else's frigging trip to
the grocery store and I am totaled, buzzed and rebuzzed. But the day I killed
somebody - ha, and ha. Doesn't even raise a blip.
Across from where I am sitting, the overhead rail lights up and I can hear
the freebus droning in the distance like a bored hornet. Better hurry home
now and see if I am hiding bloody clothes in the shower. After all, who says
this is my first kill? maybe I really screwed up and got myself a murder
jones from somewhere. fool is now known as junkie.
DIALOGUE [junkie]: Two seconds later,
I didn't get a rise out of it.
someone else's wedding,
I am totaled, buzzed and rebuzzed.
ha, and ha.
Memory junkie, yah,
the trip's over.
After all, who says
this is my first kill?
Date entered: 1997/06/24 09:49
NARRATIVE: Is that the way it was? A lost-soul memory junkie with a yen
for more than a persona overlay. Give me a whole new life,
give me somebody else's life because I am sick of mine.
Give me her life, yah, that one there. The actress.
I'll take her, I'll be her. They's given her my personality
in an overlay and then given her my appearance as well,
while they'd made me over to look like her, imprinted me with her--
Even as I thought it, I knew it wasn't quite right.
Bodysnatchings weren't unheard of. There were plenty of
sad cases walking around looking to hijack someone else's life and
leave their own bleak existences behind, and changing their own appearance
to match wasn't beyond most of them. But surgically altering the other person...
not to that extent. It was easier just to suck the mind out, scramble the
finger-
and retina-prints, and dump the rest in a cipher ward.
DIALOGUE [junkie]: Is that the way it was?
A lost-soul memory junkie
Give me a whole new life,
give me somebody else's life because I am sick of mine.
I'll take her, I'll be her.
I knew it wasn't quite right.
Bodysnatchings weren't unheard of.
not to that extent.
scramble the finger-
dump the rest